Day 621: Some introspection and some truths ...

It  is after a considerable hiatus that I decided to calculate how many days have elapsed since I came to work in Saudi Arabia. It is now Day 621! It seems as if the past can be encapsulated in a small box and presented to whoever wants it ... and yet, a lot of water has flown under the bridge. I spoke about the change of perception I have experienced. However, this change, that I speak of, has also occurred in my family members.

If the reader wishes, he/she can go back to this post to read about the various goals and purposes I set for myself before coming to the Kingdom. As may be apparent, I did mention that I wanted to make my female platoon at home independent and on their feet. 

Well, I can proudly say now that this target has been achieved too! My wife, Nishrin, is able to handle most (not all) financial affairs without asking me; my elder daughter, Inas, has been working in a salon all on her own since the last eight-odd months, and has been completely independent; even Hannah, whom I used to always think of as a weak but very loving daughter, has grown up and is able to deal with her life quite without major turmoil. 

Now and then, of course, all of them need me, as I, them, and that's all right, since we are a family. On the whole, though, things have been great, as the females of my household have all learned to live without my presence; in fact, if I may say so, at times, they seem happier for it, since I am not a perfect father or husband, and my attitudes have not ALL been great when it came to fathering my children or husbanding my wife. 

So, it has been a win-win situation for all. While my clinic + Nishrin's salon was located at the same place, many of her clients found it awkward to visit her; now that my clinic has been "abolished" and the place converted into a full-scale beauty salon, her clientele are happy and the salon is doing better business. The cash flow has increased too, I may well add. And, Nishrin is happier too, as there is now no "interference" by me in her business.

I am not utterly happy, but, for a long time, I was quite unsatisfied with my professional income. Now that the Indian Rupee has been replaced by the Saudi Riyal, I am, for the first time, planning things like holidaying abroad or giving shape to the Child Welfare Charity that I will establish. In addition, we have been investing the surplus in the hope that money will draw in more money in future and liberate us from the stress of having to earn enough through our entire lives. 

As I planned earlier, I intend to spend just a year or a little more than that in the Kingdom, then move on. What I will do next is not yet certain. I would prefer to cross the bridge when I reach it. But, suffice to say, I am extremely satisfied with the way my life is going at the moment.

Please do leave your comments. Thank you.

Thinking back ...

While I have no real issues to discuss in this entry, I decided to be a little introspective. So, here it is. I am now in the Kingdom for over 14 months, minus the time I spent vacationing at home or elsewhere. I am taking stock of where I am w.r.t. my aims that I had outlined at the beginning of my stint here in S.A. 

Certainly, I have met my spiritual goal in near-totality. I have completed three Umrahs for myself, one for my late father, performed Hajj and also visited and performed the pilgrimage of Medina. In addition, I am continuously striving to meet my spiritual goals of praying regularly and being a good human being and a good Muslim. I think I am about 80% there, though there is still work to be done. I am still not totally pious, I still am not able to wake up in the morning for the Fajr prayers, I still sometimes lose my temper, I still sometimes nurse feelings that a good Muslim should not have (these are a bit private, but relate to envy, lust, etc. ... I think you get the drift), and I still feel the pinch when I give of my resources to others.

As far as my goal of achieving academic honours is concerned, I am on track. I cleared the first part of MRCPCH last October, and am planning to give part II in May this year. Towards that end, I am studying, but I am not really satisfied with my pace of studies, my concentration, or my level of knowledge. I guess this will improve as time passes, but I am not yet satisfied. 

Coming to the third goal: money. I am not saving as much as I had thought I would. The reasons are manifold, not the least of them being that I am not nearly as frugal as I should have been. Time and again, I go to Ta'if, stay in a hotel, and spend money that should have ... or rather could have ... been saved. On the one hand, one may argue that it is necessary to sometimes relax and let oneself go; on the other hand, one is reminded that one's main reason for leaving India and working in this kind of place was to save as much money as possible. And one is therefore caught in the middle. I keep making these resolutions to cut back on my expenses, but my lifestyle, my disposition, my car (yes, my car ... the white elephant in anyone's life) keep demanding my return to the ATM of my bank to withdraw money. I have saved money, of course, but I guess it is less than 50% of what I have earned through the year. It is pointless blaming the family, though it is true that they are spending more too, and it is but natural now that they see more money in the bank. I guess this is the price one must pay for not being with the family ... where you might have reined them in and prevented profligacy. 

And lastly, the final goal of making my family independent and free from my overbearing presence as well as my constant "help" in their day-to-day work. I think I have succeeded in making them "free". This is a double-edged sword, though, as privately, I do not wish them to become so free that they don't need me at all, or that they treat my visit back home as a disturbance rather than a welcome sight! I am sure many people who went away from home and their family must have thought in much the same way and are smirking as they read this. Taher, they seem to be telling me, it shouldn't be that they get so used to your absence that they no longer miss you.

Well, what can I say to this except to pray to Allah to not make me see that horrible circumstance. 

On the flip side, what about me? Have I adjusted well to their absence? In the matter of most things like sleeping, getting up to the alarm, keeping my house reasonably clean, cooking my own food, cleaning up after cooking/eating, washing my clothes, etc. I think I have managed pretty well. However, in my heart, I am lonely, and I try to cover this up with gregarious behaviour at the hospital, reading stuff, playing games, watching TV, watching movies or serials on the laptop, sleeping, going out on walks, etc. etc. but the thing that I look forward to are the pre-decided Skype sessions with my family, the calls to Nishrin, Inas, Hannah, my mother, and so on, and the eagerness with which I await messages from my loved ones on Whatsapp or Google Talk. And that, basically, tells me that I HAVE NOT been able to adjust so well, and that I CANNOT stay without my family and my near and dear ones.

And, if you see this against the background that about a decade back, people could NOT communicate so easily with their families from overseas, and still managed to preserve their sanity, it is a real surprise that I am still so restless.

There, you have it. I have just told you the results of my last fourteen months' stay in the Kingdom, and how far I have come since that forlorn day, viz. 16th November, 2011.

That's it for now.

Days 20 and 21,Monday, 5th and Tuesday, 6th December, 2011

While I struggle with my life in Saudi Arabia, I am sure that in India, a lot of people are involved with the death anniversary (Mahaparinirvan diwas) of Dr. B.A. Ambedkar, and some with the anniversary of the demolition of the Babri mosque.

In a lifetime, one can have such diverse and educative experiences, and yet, more than 90% of humanity prefers to operate within their own comfort zones, or worse, live in the past. This creates a world of “No change”, and yet, we see change all around us. This could be ascribed to the working of God, but I prefer to credit the remaining 10% of humanity which tries to step out of the ordinary and does something they are not used to. We may label them as “adventurers” or “experimenters” or whatever, but it is their endeavour that rejuvenates humanity from the droll existence of the majority.

My attempt to come to Saudi should be interpreted in this light, and not merely an act of defeat or escape from reality. I crave the indulgence of my readers when I say that I have a three-fold interest in leaving India to come to this country

1.  To try and earn more money than I could ever manage to, in India
2.  To create, for my family back in India, an environment that will enable them to enjoy independence with responsibility and
3.  To try and appear for MRCPCH examinations and pass the three parts thereof so that I become an-U.K. certified pediatric person.

Bearing these in mind, I request you to judge me fairly and decide whether this is a good decision or not. My decision was hastened by the realisation that I would, with about three or four year’s stay in Saudi Arabia, be able to save enough to satisfy my desires to have a good amount of money to marry off both my daughters “in a fitting way”, (though some may accuse me of being a 'conformist', I do feel that society expects a doctor to marry his/her offspring in a manner that befits his/her status in the same society) and also, to be able to travel around the world without major financial constraints, something that I have always wanted to do.

Getting on to the topic of the blog entries for the two days mentioned in the title: well, these were routine days in the main; on Monday, the work had petered out a little, although I did see nearly a dozen patients in the OPD. I have a slow but reliable connection to the net from the pediatric OPD and I make full use of it whenever possible. I was able to write the blog entry for Sunday, surf Facebook and check my emails without much trouble. 

In the evening, I went out for a walk with Dr. Narendra Punjwani, who is a Surat-based Orthopedic surgeon working with me in Al Moweh. Getting to know Dr. Punjwani over Monday (when we went to some nearby shops to look for a few things I needed for the house) and Tuesday (when I went to his place for dinner and to spend time with him) was a pleasure. He is planning to leave Saudi next year. Fifty-nine years of age, Dr. Narendra has three offspring, and his family lives in India. His kitchen is well-stocked, as he returns to India twice a year and gets back spices etc. when he comes back to the Kingdom. He cooked rice and masoor for us. I did the "waghaar" and probably added more spices than what were needed. The dal came out a bit pungent, but we managed to clean out the vessel that the dal was stored in.


Afterward, we listened to and saw some videos of songs starring Dev Anand, and in our own way, we paid homage to this great Bollywood stalwart.

In other news, Dr. Narendra did not accompany me for the walk on Tuesday, because, according to him, Monday's walk had aggravated his back pain. As a result, I walked alone. In a way, that wasn't so bad, as I was able to dictate my own route and pace to myself without external interference or influence. 

Monday was Ashura for the Bohras, and I observed it by fasting for half a day. On Tuesday, I met the main director of the hospital (Mr. Raad Haart) momentarily for the first time. He seemed to be a cheerful and easy-going person. Let us hope that he is equally nice to me when I need his help to facilitate matters with the Muderiya in the days, months and years to come.


Another news that I want to share with the readers is that I have begun to pick up Arabic words and phrases while talking to patients. I have prepared a MS Word document and I keep adding words/phrases with their meanings to it from time to time. Initially, I used to think that the spoken Arabic is a crude, unpolished language more suited to nomads and tribal people, but slowly, its inherent beauty is becoming more and more apparent.