Day 27, Monday, 12th December, 2011

I am still under the weather as I write this on Tuesday. Cefuroxime (an antibiotic) therapy is probably causing the side effects that I am experiencing such as drowsiness, weakness, abdominal pain and some amount of nausea and fullness of the stomach. I am contemplating a change of antibiotic if these issues do not go away in the next 24 hours or so. 


Monday was a day when I had hardly any work in the hospital, and for the most part, I was busy trying to locate the HR person who was supposed to generate a letter for me to send along with my other documents to Mr. Ali, our liaison officer, for him to make my residence/work permit (Iqama - there, you have that word again!).


Like on Sunday, I went to sleep for over 2 to 3 hours in the evening, getting up only after 7:45 p.m. to pray, eat and read a little before retiring again by 10:00 p.m. My energy level is greatly reduced, and if I did not have some ready food in the refrigerator, I don't know what I would have done or how I would have managed.  The week is over half done, and there are just 2 more days before Thursday comes again, with 2 days of complete off. I don't know whether that is a good thing or not, as the boredom gets to you more than the sense of a holiday. As I am on call, I cannot even leave Al Moya to go to, say, Ta'if to relieve myself of ennui. Be that as it may, I am definitely not looking forward to the leave; add to that the stress of having to cook 3-4 dishes again, and you will understand, dear reader, what it means to me to have those 2 off days. 


Nothing else to report here ... so I will just end this with a good-bye.

Overcoming fear of failing as a doctor

I have been practising as a pediatrician for over 22 years now, but whenever I come across a very sick child with complications and so on, I am afraid that I am going to go wrong somewhere and miss either the diagnosis or the management and lose the child for ever. I know that my fear is not irrational because every doctor, during his/her professional life, makes some errors of judgment, not all of which are going to kill his/her patient(s). This is because medicine is a very complicated science, and in some respects, it is not even a science, but an art that one learns throughout life. It is not even just an art, but also an act of faith: faith in one's own self as a doctor, faith in the abiding sea of knowledge that a doctor draws upon, faith in experience being a bigger teacher than books, and ultimately, faith in the Almighty: the most agnostic doctor will look to the skies for divine help when his patient fails to improve under his treatment.

I thought about all this for the last six days as I struggled (and am still struggling) to save the life of a newborn who is under my care. While there is a secular trend towards improvement, the child keeps having episodes of worsening which leads me to believe that, through her, the Almighty is testing my faith. I am happy to report that the baby is now showing improvement.

Such is life, and such is the tension in the mind of a clinician.